Dear Nub News

Given the criticism Nub News has received for its recent match report involving Brantham Athletic losing (again)

Could I offer an alternative match report that may appease my fellow Impish sycophants.

'Brilliant Brantham Athletic were desperately unlucky to not win against a fellow league team Thetford who managed, against all the odds after we kindly gave the ball away to them, to score a goal.

If it were not for those pesky opponents, that had unfairly, due to the match official, kept all 11 players on the pitch, Brantham would have scored 11 or 12 goals.

There is clearly a conspiracy against Brantham because the referees and opponents have not let us win at all this year, and were were desperately unfortunate not to win when we did score that once because the other team scored five goals.

In addition. it's not their fault that Brantham had to play all those young Lions, playing because many senior, experienced players had disgracefully become unavailable thanks to dreadful management duo leaving the club and then players telling fibs to the local media abut discrepancies in their wages.'

Please Nub News do better in the future and write these match reports as Brantham officials and supporters see it and stopping letting the facts, stats and first hand accounts from neutrals, get in the way.

Yours, a true Sycophantic Imp.

Ipswich Road, Brantham