Saturday's Sting in the Tail

Paraprosdokians - Winston Churchill loved them, they are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. Enjoy the second in our series.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

(Our thanks to Nub News reader Geraint Pugh for this idea, and contribution)

That's our lot unless you have more...

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Today's Peninsula sunrise: 06:20

Today's Peninsula sunset: 19:34

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Peninsula tide times:

04:17 3.94m

10:07 0.53m

16:44 3.59m

22:29 0.62m

Good on the Strand

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Weather:

Dry but rather cloudy morning. Some breaks will develop later, allowing increasing amounts of sunshine. Otherwise cloudy and feeling chilly along some areas. Maximum Temperature 11c, low of 4c.

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Orwell Bridge:

Open

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Joke of the day:

Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?

Because he was always spotted.

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Peninsula Recycling Centre[.B[

Wednesday: 09.00am - noon

Saturday: 09.00am - noon

Bank Holiday Mondays: 09.00am - noon

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Today's food shop openings:

Stutton Community Shop:

Monday - Friday: 09.00 - 16.00

Saturday: 09.00 - 12noon.

Sunday: 09.00 - 11.00

Premier Stores Shotley:

Monday - Saturday: 08:00 - 19:00

Sunday: 09.00 -14.00

Premier Stores Wherstead:

1. 00 – 19.00

Orwell Stores, Chelmondiston:

Monday - Saturday: 08:00 - 17:00

Sunday: 08:00 - 13:00

Woody's Butchers: -

Tuesday - Friday: 09:00 - 17:30 (closed for lunch 13.00-13.45)

Saturday: 09:00 - 16:00

Sunday: Closed

Monday: Closed

Hollingsworth's:

Monday - Friday: 8:00 - 17:30

Saturday: 8:00 - 17:00

Sunday: closed

Holbrook Co-op:

1. 00 -23.00

Brantham Co-op:

1. 00 – 23.00

Suffolk Food Hall:

1. 30 – 17.30

Please wear a cloth face covering, respect social distancing rules and treat shop staff with respect.

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Live travel updates: Road and rail

Bus services:

97/98 timetable 92 timetable.

Shotley - Harwich - Felixstowe Ferry timetable (from Monday, March 29)

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Covid-19 rapid flow test centre:

Holbrook Village Hall:

Monday: 07.00 -13.30

Tuesday: 07.00 - 13.30

Wednesday: 07.00 - 13.30

Thursday: 12.30-19.00

Friday: 07.00-13.30

Appointments for tests can be made online: here. or by calling 0333 772 6144.

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Updated surgery opening hours:

Holbrook:

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday 08.00-17.00

Thursday 08.00 - 12.30

Friday 08.00 - 18.30

Shotley:

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday 08.00 - 18.30

Friday 08.00 - 12.30

The dispensary at both sites will be closed between 13.00 -14.00 daily for admin.

Call Shotley 787435 or Holbrook 328263 for appointments.

Some restrictions will still be in place, such as only three people allowed in the waiting room at any one time, and patients are asked to be patient and wait outside at busy times.

Good neighbours schemes are supporting patients to get prescription if they can't attend the surgery.

Call 111 for emergency medical matters.

Citizens Advice Bureau phone advice for patients at Shotley, Holbrook and East Bergholt surgeries

1. 00 - 15.00

Tuesdays: 07384429361

Wednesday: 07586741250

Thursday: 07379202164

Babergh's Home But Not Alone helpline: Freephone 0800 876 6926

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Post Office Openings:

Shotley:

Monday to Saturday 09.00 – 13.00

Sunday: Closed

Holbrook:

Mon: 9:00 - 18:00 Closed for lunch 12:30-13:30

Tue: Closed

Wed: 10:00-14:00

Thu: Closed

Fri 9:00-17:30 Closed for lunch 12:30-13:30

Sat 10:00-12:30

Sun: Closed

Chelmondiston:

Mon - Sat: 08-00-17.30

Sun: Closed

Brantham (village hall): Closed

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